Oh, hey there! I’m Alisha L. Baijounas - your tour guide here in Hell. I am based in Los Angeles, CA but spend a lot of time traveling the country to bring a little Hell to your doorstep. I am a sucker for vintage Americana, roadside attractions, and sideshows. I call it market research, though my boss Dev - the big scary red guy down here - likes to call my trips “a cute little side quest”. You can find the coolest spots down here along Hellway Route 666. When I come to visit I like to bring along some of the best handmade art and wears that you can get at those locations so you can experience it for yourself. When I am not traveling the Hellway I am working with glass as my core medium, but also like to work with wood and fiber. I have also worked as a makeup artist and special makeup effects artist for over 20 years. I would love to tell you all about that but I have probably signed an NDA about it and I would hate for a studio lawyer to make an early appearance down here trying to serve me.
I believe in radical self-expression and hope you find that for yourself along your route. Keep your arms, legs, and head inside the car - especially through Mothifornia. I am not responsible for any permanence to your visit here.
My Travel Recommendations
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The sexiest accommodations on the Hellway, located in the red(er) district. You never know who you may meet here but you’ll want to stay for a good time, not a long time.
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Just because we are all the way down here doesn’t mean we don’t have access to some of the best “sweet meats” in the galaxy. Flown in light-yearly, we don’t know what it is but we know where it came from…sort of. We jerky dry it, and pack it up for you to take home to your loved ones. Or - to yourself. No judgement here. Products not fit for consumption, as recommended by the FDA, DEA, or any other thing that ends in “A”.
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Don’t let the humble outside appearance of tall black walls, 2 story tall stained glass windows, and creature filled moat talk you out of stopping by. We are summoning daily! Every visitor receives a free charcuterie selection of entertainment wafers, goat cheese, and red blend wine from our very own vines. Free child care is provided during summonings. Hecate has been leading our childcare center for 400 years. Sunday’s feature our famous adpot-a-demon program, but be aware you don’t choose them, they choose you.
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You want to see the strange(r) and (more) unusual? You have to stop at The Breaking Point. Located on the fifth circle of the Hellway, this is your last stop before the City of Dis. Gondola rides down the River Styx are offered hourly and feature an insane view of the City. Dare I say it’s a little romantic if you tune out the eternal mud fights? Maybe you are into that sort of thing. You never know what or who you will find here, but inside we have the best take-out restaurant in town: The Hellway Hot Chicken Co.
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This drive-thru beastiary is the premier place to see all creatures large and small who reside in Hell. Hell houses the universes most unique flying specimens. We recommend you keep your windows up going through the breezeways during mating season. Speed limit is 5 MPH and please don’t feed Mothman, the Wendigo’s, or other cryptids. They are on very special diets that keep them restrained down here with us. If you feed them you will unleash them on the surface and our beast keepers really hate having to go get them.